A632.6.3.RB_MaceRoyce
Reflect on a personal or business situation in which the cost of conflict was significantly greater than you would've preferred. Analyze the situation in relation to Stewart Levine's 10 principles of new thinking (p. 46). How would this have changed the situation? Could it have reduced the cost of conflict? What lessons did you learn from this exercise?
A personal situation that cost both myself and my immediate family emotionally occurred fairly recently. My mother had heart surgery the latter part of January, 2017. Leading up to the surgery, emotions were high because of past family conflict that had not been resolved. Essentially, my mother's twin sister does not get along with their step-mother. Despite this conflict, my mother still stayed in touch with her step-mother and tried to keep a relationship with her despite being mistreated by her in the past. As the surgery came closer, my mother's twin sister offered to take care of her during the post-recovery process, but only on one condition: that the step-mother not be around or involved with the surgery in any way, shape, or form.
This request put great strain on my mother who had called me a few months prior to the surgery. She was deeply conflicted and emotionally distraught due to the conflict between her twin sister and her step-mother. In turn, this stressed myself and my brothers out. My mother turned to us for emotional support had communicated her feelings to us without reservation. In the end, the surgery was a success without the presence of the step-mother and no conflicts arose. Lack of conflict likely happened because the step-mother was not made aware of the surgery date. Luckily, this is how the event of the surgery played out as her presence could have deepened the conflict even further.
In analyzing this conflict scenario reference Levine (2009) and his "Ten Principles of New Thinking", there are some parts of the conflict that could have been resolved had all parties considered a few of the case relevant principles. Three specific principles come to mind in analyzing this conflict scenario from beginning to end: becoming open, relying on feelings and intuition, and disclosing information and feelings. Through these three simple principles, the emotional cost of conflict could have likely been partially or even fully absolved.
In knowing the background of communication and conflict, it was apparent to me that the three individuals (my mother, aunt, and step-grandmother) could have discussed their feelings and come together as family rather than letting feelings fester and cost each of them emotionally. Having sat down and talked about the negative feelings at any point could have changed the whole dynamic of the situation. Although much of the negative feelings had been carried over for years at a time, it is never to late to forgive. This is exemplified by Levine (2009) who tells the story of Seth and Sara who finally realized the emotional cost of their fallout during their brother's funeral (p. 22-23).
Through this exercise, I have learned that my aunt and step-mother could have easily been Seth and Sara who would unfortunately have to lose a loved one in order to realize the emotional cost of pointless conflict. At some point in their relationship (even dating back many years ago as I suspect), the emotional cost of conflict could have been averted. Just the small conflict between these three individuals has cost emotional distraught, distrust, and damage to other members within the family who have been forced to take sides and safeguard their emotional "piggy bank".
References
Levine, S. (2009). Getting to resolution: turning conflict into collaboration (2nd ed.).
San Francisco: Berrett-Koehler .
A personal situation that cost both myself and my immediate family emotionally occurred fairly recently. My mother had heart surgery the latter part of January, 2017. Leading up to the surgery, emotions were high because of past family conflict that had not been resolved. Essentially, my mother's twin sister does not get along with their step-mother. Despite this conflict, my mother still stayed in touch with her step-mother and tried to keep a relationship with her despite being mistreated by her in the past. As the surgery came closer, my mother's twin sister offered to take care of her during the post-recovery process, but only on one condition: that the step-mother not be around or involved with the surgery in any way, shape, or form.
This request put great strain on my mother who had called me a few months prior to the surgery. She was deeply conflicted and emotionally distraught due to the conflict between her twin sister and her step-mother. In turn, this stressed myself and my brothers out. My mother turned to us for emotional support had communicated her feelings to us without reservation. In the end, the surgery was a success without the presence of the step-mother and no conflicts arose. Lack of conflict likely happened because the step-mother was not made aware of the surgery date. Luckily, this is how the event of the surgery played out as her presence could have deepened the conflict even further.
In analyzing this conflict scenario reference Levine (2009) and his "Ten Principles of New Thinking", there are some parts of the conflict that could have been resolved had all parties considered a few of the case relevant principles. Three specific principles come to mind in analyzing this conflict scenario from beginning to end: becoming open, relying on feelings and intuition, and disclosing information and feelings. Through these three simple principles, the emotional cost of conflict could have likely been partially or even fully absolved.
In knowing the background of communication and conflict, it was apparent to me that the three individuals (my mother, aunt, and step-grandmother) could have discussed their feelings and come together as family rather than letting feelings fester and cost each of them emotionally. Having sat down and talked about the negative feelings at any point could have changed the whole dynamic of the situation. Although much of the negative feelings had been carried over for years at a time, it is never to late to forgive. This is exemplified by Levine (2009) who tells the story of Seth and Sara who finally realized the emotional cost of their fallout during their brother's funeral (p. 22-23).
Through this exercise, I have learned that my aunt and step-mother could have easily been Seth and Sara who would unfortunately have to lose a loved one in order to realize the emotional cost of pointless conflict. At some point in their relationship (even dating back many years ago as I suspect), the emotional cost of conflict could have been averted. Just the small conflict between these three individuals has cost emotional distraught, distrust, and damage to other members within the family who have been forced to take sides and safeguard their emotional "piggy bank".
References
Levine, S. (2009). Getting to resolution: turning conflict into collaboration (2nd ed.).
San Francisco: Berrett-Koehler .
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